I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize