he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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