When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize