I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
