Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
