separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize