I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
