Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
