Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
