I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize