Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
