I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
BRING THE BAGELS
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize