I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
