my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
