the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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