Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize