Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize
