I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
