you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize