Your dad touched me again.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
