Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
