happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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