ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
