It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
All the doctor said was why
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
