and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
