what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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