I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
this boner is exhausting
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
worst night to have a conscience
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
