dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Randomize
