Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
