I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
