when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
