let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
