I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
