WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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