That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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