well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My dad just said "fuck circus"
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
