seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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