Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
