i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
