can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
