How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
