what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
