GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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