Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize