ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize
