Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
