So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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