Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
