i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
