Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
