I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
