It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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