I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
