i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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