haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Randomize
