This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
