please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
