So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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