Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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