I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
