i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
