do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
