Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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