i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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