Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
