she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
