she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
