i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize